A Snowball’s Chance (Holly, Alex, Leslie, Mike K, Thomas)

A Snowball’s Chance (Holly, Alex, Leslie, Mike K, Thomas)

Monday, 29 Dec, 1986- Holiday break with wet snow blanketing the ground as the kids head to their Pierson Salvage hangout to chat about their best Christmas gift.

Stacy, 13yo Popular Kid (Holly): rode her new bike while beaming with pride about her pink/yellow windbreaker. But she quickly put on a worried face as she thought about her brother Eric waking with a bad morning experience from his Leukemia treatments.

Alvin, 14yo Computer Geek (Alex): arrived with large headphones covering his ears as he rocked to music blasting his eardrums. He unplugged the headset to share music from his new cassette tape: “Good Life” by the Detroit Inner City group.

Lisa, 14yo Bookworm (Leslie): swayed to the music as she tried to harmonize with her own mini-soundboard.

Johnny Fire, 14yo Rocker (Mike K): excitedly showed off his new game, “Call of Cthulhu. It’s got monsters and investigators, and scary scenes!” Stacy already doubted her parents would let her play. Johnny suggested, “We could gather at the bookstore and play in the backroom.”

Frank, 13yo Computer Geek (Thomas): was late to the party. At least he had told them earlier about his “Castle Greyskull. It’s got a trap door, weapons’ rack, swivel cannon, and even a command chair that swivels!”

They were 10 ft from the old school-bus (hangout) when Alvin was hit by 2 snowballs that knocked his headphones off and coated his glasses, blinding him. He instinctively dove for cover as he warned the others, “Ambush! Johnny, grab the snow-shovel; hit em with the heavy artillery!” Stacy tried [failed Lead] to instruct the others, "Johnny, we'll give you coving fire from behind that vertical corrugated panel so you can circle around..." Her pause made her the target of a rain of inbound snowballs. Alvin is hit too and curls into a fetal position.

Meanwhile, Lisa caught a glimpse of their foe, “It’s the bullies and the Sanders twins! Everyone target Randy!” Stacy launched a snowball as directed, as Johnny slung a shovel-full of snow in their direct (them covered behind an old junk car with a stack of snowballs on the hood).

And that’s when Frank stumbled into the fray, unaware. He was greeted by 2 snowballs to his chest. He too dove for cover and began making a stack of snowballs.

Already knocked to the ground, Alvin crawled toward Mr. Pierson’s snowblower. [failed Luck] Too cold to immediately start, Alvin [Tinkered 2] with the choke… it sputtered to life. "Eureka!" Even with it roaring with power, everyone could hear the cranked-up volume of his cassette player belting out “Ride of the Valkyrie.” Alvin walked behind the blower, directing it toward his foe. The wall of thrown snow covered the near side of the car as the foe ducked behind the backside. A few occasionally popped up around the trunk (or which end not targeted by the blower) to throw more snowballs.

And that’s when a hail of snowballs came from behind the kids’ bus. But these snowballs… actually changed angles (left, right, sharp-angle down) to target their foe. “Thump, thump, thump, thump.” Direct hits, and another volley was inbound. Darrel yelled out, “Hey, that’s not fair using technology! Cheaters!” They made a hasty retreat. As the kids cheered, Alvin pointed out, "We may have won the battle, but not the war."

It wasn’t till Alvin turned off the snowblower that they heard the gruff-coughing-English accent from behind, “I like this game! What do you call it?” More squeaky voices joined in, “That was fun! Did you see those kids run away?!” Curiosity overtook Lisa as she investigated the source. And that’s when the short person appeared on the hood of another junk-car. Everyone’s jaw dropped!!

Stacy was the first to question, “Who’s back there manipulating the puppet?! Show yourself.” Frank and Johnny were speechless. [Frank failed Empathize- Condition: Scared] Lisa was close enough she wanted to check for strings. 

Alvin was more interested in the 4-barrel bazooka the puppet held. More fright as all heard (and saw lips move on) the loaded snowballs, “Professor, is he another target?” The puppet introduced himself, “How rude of me… I’m Professor Donald D. (for Danger) Diggleby, at your service. Well, really, here to ask for your service. Say, where are the other kids who helped me before? Anyway, I need your help. Agent Moose is missing, and I could use your Investigative skills.”

The kids were still trying to collect their sanity, “But, but, you’re a puppet!” Donald corrected, “I may be short, but I can attest that I am human.” He looked at the snowballs, “Right boys?” Lisa slowly composed herself, “Who are these other kids you expected? Who? I don’t know any Evan, Eric, Ein, Lukas, or Josh. Maybe they go to a different school.” Donald was now puzzled, “But they used this same location. They even had a space-heater we used to travel to my world. I think it had a component labeled Loop-Dreamlands.”

Alvin didn’t waste time, “Sure, I’ll help as long as I can have that cool bazooka afterwards.” Stacy was more suspicious as she repeatedly leaned her head to the side, calling the others over to huddle, “Guys, is this for real? I mean he did said Loop and we know what trouble THAT place causes!” Frank chimed in, “He mentioned a dimensional traveling space-heater. I’d LOVE to get my hands on that so, hell yes, oops! I mean, for sure I want to help.”

“Spread out and look around. What did you say it looks like?” They were looking for a computer-tower sized device with heating coils. [Investigate 3] Alvin found it in a lean-to shed on the other side of Pierson’s shop. In no time at all, it heated up, emitting a strange smell, before all were whisked away in a dimensional-vortex.

Frank stumbled as he was still blurry-eyed from the disorienting travel. It was another winter wonderland; except, instead of wet snow, the ground was covered in flakes. Not snowflakes… almost like instant potato flakes! Lisa scooped up a handful and smelled… nothing. She added water from her drinking bottle and was rewarded with a handful of mash-potato-mush.

Stacy caught a glimpse of her brown coat sleeve, “Hey, what happened? It’s not pink anymore!” Each kid in turn discovered their Iconic Item had changed:

Stacy: neon pink windbreaker becomes a brown Cloak of Many Colors. Clue: complain of it not pink and it changes to pink. You define what else it can do. [It could aid Stealth or pulse with light to blind.]

Alvin: Tandy 200 becomes an Etch-A-Sketch (whatever you draw becomes real for 1d6 minutes. A roll of 1 is a complication). Clue: draw something using a Tech skill. [Alvin’s recklessness may appear.] Alvin draws a frowny face... that suddenly appears hovering 3ft off the ground in front of the kids! Stacy is already poking at it.

Lisa: Magnifier becomes View Master. Disks of all your books, encyclopedia, etc. Without a disk, it is 3D binoculars. Clue: test it out.

Johnny Fire: CD player becomes Fisher-Price Tape Player that converts into Mr. Potato-Head. His parts detach and become remote items (ears to hear, eyes to spy, mouth to speak). Clue: his lips fall off and you hear at a distance while feeling a tugging at your sleeve from Pete (Potato-Head), “Hey, you forgot something!”

Frank: TRS-80 becomes Omnibot 2000 Robot. Clue: “Are you my brother? Am I adopted? I await your commands.” [Frank projects his fear of adoption onto the robot.] Frank is tongue-tied and immediately reacts, "Where's teh voice synthesizer?! It's scaring me." Lisa scolds him, "Frank, that's no way to treat your brother!"

Professor Diggleby had to interrupt their wonder, “The clock is ticking. We need to find Agent Moose before midnight when the award committee makes their decision.” Johnny was anxious for the professor to lead the way. Stacy asked, “When was he last seen?” Lisa asked, “Where was he last seen?” Frank asked, “What committee?” As Donald led the way, he chatted. Maybe trying to force an urgency (because of Donald’s short stride), Stacy asked, “Can I carry you? We’d get there a lot quicker.” Donald ignored her, “Young lady, why I could run circles around. Circles I say. To answer your questions, you best talk to his partner, Owlfred. As for the committee… why they are tallying the count for the Sherlock Holmes Award for the most cases solved.”

It wasn’t long before they stood in the forest, looking up at the squirrel perched on a low branch. “Owlfred, these kind kids have come to help find Agent Moose.” Owlfred jumped off the branch and spread his arms as he flew down to Lisa’s shoulder. “Shhh. Ixna on his real nay. Just say Anonymoose is missing.” Stacy giggled, “Oh, he’s SOOO cute!” Lisa was all business, “Can you tell us where you last saw him?” Owlfred answered, “Well, we were on Lassie’s case, trying to find Timmy who had fallen down the well as best he reasoned.”

The Well: Owlfred led the way, flying above them, jumping branch to branch. Soon they huddled around a well. Stacy was already at the rim calling down, “Hello? Anyone there?” Echoes. [Investigate] Stacy was still too enamored (and thus distracted) by Owlfred as she reached to pet him. Lisa found moose tracks leading to the well but none leaving. Someone else called out, “Hey, look at this metal feather. Looks like gold and silver.” [Thomas (aka Frank) was already thinking Clash of the Titans.] Owlfred reacted surprised, “I don’t remember seeing my twin brother Owlbert here. Maybe he was spying on us. Anyway, Anonymoose was also calling into the well. I distinctly remember warning him, ‘I wish you’d be careful.’ [It’s an anti-wishing well] I heard a noise from the trees. By the time I looked back, Moose was gone!”

Lisa was already offering suggestions, “Frank, why don’t you put your robot in the bucket, and we can lower it down for him to look around.” Frank was apprehensive, “I’m not risking MY robot.” Even the Omnibot Robot appeared scared. Alvin countered, “OK, how about I carry him for his headlights as I descend on the rope.” Frank objected, “Why don’t you just use your Etch-A-Sketch and draw your own flashlight?!” Alvin reasoned, “Because I don’t know how long my sketches last. I could be left in the dark.” Stacy dropped a pebble into the well to check its depth. “One-one thousand, two…” “Plink!” “I’d guess 15 feet. The rope looks long enough.”

Alvin touched down at the bottom of the well. “No Tracks but there is a side tunnel leading away.” Soon all descended into the well. Frank was last as he doubted his physical skills, “I never was good on the ropes in gym class.” The others encouraged him, “We’ll catch you if you fall.” As if a premonition: Frank fell! “Oof!” He knocked the wind out of the others per his soft landing on their bodies.

It must have been 30 minutes as they single-file walked the tunnel. Lisa used Stacy’s lipstick to mark their passage, writing “A.S.” [Hah! Reference to Journey to the Center of the Earth- Arne Saknussemm!]

Stone Corridor: They emerged into daylight. Well, at least from above. They stood in a long corridor of 20ft tall stone walls that spanned either direction. No tracks on the stone floor. Just a jumble of loose stones, tree roots, and vines. [Investigate] Alvin and Lisa would have sworn those vines weren’t where they stepped! Both fell. But the others saw that the vines had moved just as they stepped! And that’s when the creature emerged from the wall. All remembered their DnD gaming, “It’s a Roper!”

Stacy grabbed Alvins collar and began dragging him out of range. Johnny did the same with Lisa. While being dragged on her butt, Lisa buried her head in her View-Master, researching Roper weaknesses. A viny arm swiped at Stacy and just missed. Stacy let go of Alvin as she whispered “invisible.” Sure enough, her coat became the color of the stones, blending her into the background so she could work her way behind the creature. Meanwhile, Johnny paused to wait for the creatures’ next action. Alvin quickly twisted the Etch-A-Sketch dials as he drew [3] a pirate cannon. Frank began frantically programming [+Luck 1] his robot (making laser eyes). Lisa called out, “Target its body!” Johnny picked up a rock and threw [0]. Behind the creature, they heard a female voice “Oof!” [Stacy hit by the rock= Condition: Injured] Alvin aimed his cannon as Frank pointed his robot at it. “Fire in the hole!” The Roper dropped dead.

“Oowe gov-ner. Nice bit of shooting there.” Only then did they see William-the-Worm [cockney voice]. “Trying to find the moose ye say. Need help finding exits ye say. Well, look at me. Don’t LOOK at me, look at me…from the corners of ye eyes. Per-if-e-al vision it is.” It took some practice but soon they too could easily see side passages. William scoffed, "Don't you know where you are? Why, the maze in front of Boris and Natasha's castle. That's where they took Anonymoose." As they were leaving, William warned, “There be goblins and trolls, and forgetfulness ahead. Keep an eye out.”

Stone Maze: They stood in an enclosed maze with stone ceilings, lit by phosphorescent moss. “Maybe we should backtrack to climb the walls and see where this leads.” Yet as they turned around, the walls had shifted! And as they turned back, the left turn that was there was now right. “The walls are shifting!” Frank spoke up, “We need a system to map this place. How about I program my robot to walk the place always turning right. That way, when he gets back, we’ll have a map of the place.” Omnibot cried, “You’d, you’d send me away?! What if I got lost? I thought you liked me as a brother.”

Alvin thought about drawing a giant drill but realized with only minutes per drawing, it would take forever. Lisa suggested he draw a wall with a circle, “Project it on each wall and we could climb through.’ Alvin again reasoned, “It could close on one of us at any time!” Frank suggested Stacy pull thread from her coat or shirt to leave a trail. Johnny liked the idea of Lisa using the lipstick to mark the walls as they passed.

“Eek!” And that’s when Lisa jumped with fright at the sight of the lichen on the wall. Eyes! MANY eyes! 

And that’s when the cyclops stepped forth, “What you be looking at? Ain’t seen your likes in here before.” Frank meekly asked, "We're looking for Anonymoose. I could tell you a secret once you help us out of here." Stacy intervened. [Charm 4: she not only charmed the beast, she healed Frank’s scared condition as well as her own.] Clyde warmed up to her kind words, “Lost are you? Why, do what I always do… use one eye. You’ll see the pattern in the floor.”

Goblins: They alternated from left-eye closed to right-eye closed and realized it didn’t matter, as long as they only used one eye. Soon the passage led them to a bridge guarded by 2 goblins. Behind them were 2 doors. “STOP! You can’t pass till you solve our riddle.” Lisa was already giddy as she’d watched the movie [1986 release], “It’s the Labyrinth, with David Bowie in it. And muppets! These are brothers: one tells the truth and the other lies.” It was Frank’s turn to be giddy, “I love riddles! Go ahead, ask us.” The goblins looked at each other with surprise, “That girl already knows our secret. Who told her? Have you seen her before?” They turned back to Frank, “OK smarty pants, which door do you choose to exit?” Now it was Frank’s turn to look surprised as he pondered the question. His thought process befuddled by suggestions offered by the others. Finally, he asked, “If I asked your brother, which door would he suggest we take?”

The Bog: They walked through the ‘Right’ door, ignoring the goblin’s answer of “Left.” They barely took 3 steps before the stench of the place overwhelmed them. [Body for a Constitution check. Alvin passed. Stacy and Johnny survived with Luck. Lisa Pushed it, using her sleeve to cover her nose.] Frank gagged at the stench and thus lost his footing: he slipped and began falling down a slope, headed right for the bubbling bog! Not the athlete, Frank turned to his robot for help: he quickly calculated [2] the changing distance needed for the robot arms to extend and grab tree-roots at the top. Like ‘Ralphy climbing back up the slide from Santa’s perch’ [1983 Christmas Story], Frank reeled in the robot arms which winched him back up the slope.

They cautiously worked their way around the bog and came to a locked door. Stacy suggested Alvin draw a key, but Alvin doubted how much drawing time he had left. Stacy offered one of her bobby-pins to Alvin, "Would this help you pick the lock?" [Tinker 0, Push 1 taking Upset Condition] Alvin began to sweat as he bent the bobby-pin. But finally, “Click.”

Junkyard: Frank and Alvin were probably in heaven with all the various parts and sundry items stacked in rows, like passageways in a hoarder’s house. At least they were back in the open with sky above. And the sight of a castle just up the hill. Diggleby offered, “That’s Boris and Natasha’s lair.” 

They followed the path till they came upon a woman with a heap of junk strapped to her back. Janet squinted an evil-eye at them as she barked, “MINE. All mine. Keep yer hands off!” [Empathize] While the others ignored her mesmerizing glare, poor Johnny succumbed to her spell. “My Call-of-Cthulhu books! I’ve lost them in here!” He frantically searched pile after pile. Despite the others trying to slap him out of it, he fought them off in his frightened condition.

Stacy had enough, and shouted [Lead 1], “Johnny, snap out of it. Your books are up there in the castle.” But at the same time, Stacy felt something tugging at her coat. The others saw what was grabbing. [Force 2] Stacy pulled her coat tight as she jerked away. “Pop.” 

The sticky hand that had stretched from Janet’s backpack, snapped free, now stuck to Stacy’s coat. And from inside Johnny’s Fisher-Price Tape Player, all heard Pete’s muffled voice, “Hey, those are my wife Penelope’s hands! What did you do with her?!”

Maybe they had thoughts of mugging the old woman. Johnny offered another idea as he dug into his pockets, “I’m willing to trade you this nice shiny quartz stone for Penelope.” It was a little tight, but soon Penelope and Pete cuddled inside Johnny’s Fisher-Price Tape Player.

CLIMAX/SHOWDOWN

They trudged up the slope and over the drawbridge that spanned the moat, anxious to confront Boris and Natasha. But with little warning, the faintest sound of wings on air or the flash of a shadow across the bridge, it attacked! Lisa turned just in time to dodge [1] the diving owl. The owl missed but climbed for another swooping attack. Metal feathers tinkled on the wooden bridge. Owlfred challenged, “Owlbert, why are you fighting us?! Oh dear, I think he’s molting!”

Owlbert: At first, they dove for cover. Then Lisa braved an attack as she stood in front of the drawbridge’s chain (hoping Owlbert would collide into it). [Move 1 but needed 2] She dodged the attack but too soon which allowed Owlbert to swerve around the chain. “Run for the castle while I hold it off!” Frank held up one of the metal feathers as if Owlbert a crow attracted to shiny things. [Force 1] At the last second, Frank grabbed Owlbert’s leg and held on as it flapped and cawed “Let me go.” Face to beak, Frank saw fur under Owlbert’s coat of metal! In fact, it was starting to bulge out! Frank called for help, “Someone. Stacy, use your coat to capture it.” Owlfred warned, “You’d better hurry. He’s molting into an Owlbear.”

Owlbear: Lisa had to ask, “What’s an Owlbear?!” Frank answered as he held on for dear life, “Owl, bear. Just like it sounds!” Frank could feel the bundle inside Stacy’s coat growing, “He’s getting bigger! What should I do?!” Alvin was already at the castle door, trying to pick the lock for all to escape. Lisa offered, “Throw it in the water to give us time.” Indecision. Wait for Alvin to unlock the door? Throw the bundle now and hope for the best? Lisa screamed, “If you’re not going to toss it, stomp on it!”

Frank tossed the bundle over the side of the bridge. “Splash.” He leaned over to watch. Thrashing in the water was Owlbert with his metal feather overcoat starting to rust. One wing had already molted free of its feathers and now was the clawed arm of the owl-bear. But its head and other feathered wing were still metal. Frank realized what was happening, “He can’t swim! He can’t breath. He’s drowning.” Where the others saw opportunity to make a run for it…Frank dove into the moat. [Move+Luck 3] Frank grabbed Owlbert by the clawed arm and swam for the shore. Stacy’s coat caught on Owlbert’s foot and came along. Owlfred quickly flew down and began pecking at the rusting feathers to free his brother. It wasn’t long before the two embraced in a family reunion. The kids left them alone.

The Castle: Boris and Natasha were not surprised at the kids’ entrance. “We did not invite you. What do you want?” [Charm] Lisa realized Boris was the dumb one, “You are so brilliant and smart, we thought we should ask you for help.” Boris muttered, “Who told you we have agent…” Natasha backhanded him, “Hush you fool!” Stacy used the distraction to hand her coat to Johnny, “Make it a cloak of concealment and go find Anonymoose.” As Lisa and Stacy occupied the dastardly duo with double-talk, Frank reprogrammed Omnibot’s laser-eyes. “Ouch! Guards!” Natasha squealed in pain as the light cut her arm. Alvin used the distraction to sneak away.

Dungeon: Meanwhile, Johnny entered the adjoining room which proved to be a dungeon. [Sneak 3] He stopped in his tracks at the sight of a half-dozen troll-dolls (3ft tall) that stood guard (some stoking a boiling cauldron, others playing cards at a table). He crept around the room in search of Anonymoose. And that’s when Natasha’s call echoed in the room “Guards!” Three trolls scrambled up from the table and rushed toward the door. Just as Alvin was opening it.

Alvin heard the tiny feet and saw the trolls approaching. Using his Etch-A-Sketch, he quickly drew a bowling ball and bowled it at them. [Tech 4] Strike! He mowed down all three.

But the other doll-trolls in the dungeon saw what happened to their brothers. They transformed into 8ft tall Cave Trolls and charged forth. [Comprehend= 1 needing 2. Plus Luck= 2] Johnny stifled a gag at the sight of real trolls. Once they were gone, he continued his search of the dungeon. [Investigate 3]

Alvin desperately tried to draw a hole in the wall to jump through in the hopes they followed. [failed] One troll clubbed him (wounded: 2 Conditions) as the other two rushed to their mistresses’ aid.

Frank reconfigured Onmibus’s laser to draw a grid-pattern just above the floor. But Omnibot’s power was draining such that the now green laser light only tickled the trolls’ calves. They giggled.

Lisa tried to reason with Natasha, “I can patch you up if you’ll call them off.” [Charm 1 plus Luck 1]

Stacy tried to convince Boris, “It’s going so poorly for you guards. Call them off now before my friends mess up all of them. And then who would you have to protect you?" [Charm 2 plus Pride (kind to everyone) 1]

And that’s when Johnny appeared from the dungeon, “Look who I found.” Agent Moose chuckled, “They gagged me and used me as a coat rack.”

They walked out, leaving Boris and Natasha to lick their wounds and swallow their pride. “Better advertise for more guards.”

EPILOGUE

Agent Moose found Owlfred still on the bridge with his brother. They joined the kids and Diggleby as they made their way back to the start (Owlfred’s forest home). Along the way they were intercepted by Timmy, “The committee has made their decision and has asked all to attend the announcement.”

Pete and Penelope Potato cheered as Diggleby was called forward to receive the prestigious Sherlock Holmes Award, presented by Statler and Waldorf. Donald choked up, “I don’t understand, I was only at 93 while Agent Mouse was at 99.” 

Statler and Waldorf explained, “Elementary my dear professor: we count the number of investigators involved in each case. You, Owlfred, and the 5 kids made you the winner.” And for your co-agents, we present them with this lovely participant award.” Each was handed a talking Pet-Rock.

AFTERMATH

Donald thanked each of them, “Remember to keep that space-heater handy if I ever need to call upon you again.” Lisa wanted to ask for more information… but they were abruptly sucked into the dimensional-vortex and soon dumped in the real wet snow of home. They each quickly checked their belongings and found their Iconic Items returned to normal. The Pet-Rock: now a Magic 8 ball.

Stacy (Holly): helped Alvin look for the bazooka. She also asked Johnny, “When you have time, can you lend me your COC books. It sounds interesting. Maybe we could play next month.”

Alvin (Alex): was ecstatic when he found the multi-barrel bazooka in the junkyard bus. OK, so this one only shot nurf-rockets. He could work with that… to tinker something else. BwaHaHa!

Lisa (Leslie): rushed to the school library to see if there were any published classmates stories of puppet encounters.

Johnny Fire (Mike K): was just happy his Infinity Aux still worked, “I missed you buddy!”

Frank (Thomas): dialed up a Bulletin-Board service to writeup his latest adventure.

BACKGROUND

Boris/Natasha kidnapped Agent Moose to prevent him from solving his 100^th case so THEY could be the first to reach 100 and thus win the annual award. They kidnapped Timmy and solved his missing case, jumping from 93 to 95 points. They contracted Snidely Whiplash to capture Nell and tie her to the tracks so they could rescue her and thus earn their 97^th case solved. With Snidely as a fellow agent, they just need one more case solved!

As for the scenario: weeks ago, I happened to ask Nathan when he was going to create another Professor Diggleby scenario. He mentioned the ITD Call-Of-Cthulhu version of The Great Innsmouth Caper. But before I watched that, I began drafting this scenario. Obviously: part the Labyrinth, part world of Rocky & Bullwinkle, Lassie and Timmy, and whatever else fell into place. But the story began off of another series of kids’ books: Agent Moose.