A Snowball’s Chance.v2 (Nell, Jan, Ravn)

A Snowball’s Chance (Nell, Jan, Ravn. Robert had to bail out due to family issues)

Monday, 31 Dec, 1986- Holiday break with wet snow blanketing the ground as the kids head to their Pierson Salvage hangout to chat about their best Christmas gift.

Janine, 13yo Hick (Nell): as the only girl in the family, with 2 annoying older brothers, Janine stayed busy doing chores around the farm. In her free time, she’d check on her ailing grandfather who wouldn’t admit himself sick. But she also used that free time to craft (Tinker) a gift for herself: a catapult she used to entertain gramps. “Special delivery” was the forewarning as she slung a bag of chips towards gramps.

Tommy, 11yo Weirdo (Jan): he sighed as he checked himself out in the mirror- thin as a skeleton. He’d swear he could see his rib bones. He ran his hand thru his untamed blonde hair- an uneven mess considering he cut his own hair. Sitting in the attic at his work bench, Tommy added the finishing touches to the dioramas he’d crafted for his friends: he’d sacrificed one of his taxidermied grasshoppers for one display. The other included a dung-beetle. The only question- which one to give to Janine?

Magpie, 13yo Rocker (Ravn): the clock stood still- 2 hours before the appointed gathering. Magpie was bored! Boring! She checked her all-black wardrobe once more: jeans, boots, jacket, and wrist bands. She took pride in the gifts she’d crafted for the others: she’d used textile paints to paint the Motorhead skull on a T-shirt for Janine. She crept downstairs and scrounged in the garage (Sneak) till she found the fireworks rockets she’d give to Tommy. Thank goodness she had a dog-treat in her pocket to quiet Bailey (German Sheperd) else he give her away. “Goodbye mom, I’ll be home in a couple of hours.”

The trio joined up on the road to Pierson’s Salvage where they had transformed the shell on an old Chinook helicopter into their hangout. Mr. Pierson had let them scrounge for furnishing: an old couch, a couple of duct-taped beanbag chairs, an armchair. Magpie decorated the walls with band posters.

Inbound: They were 15 feet from the hangout when suddenly: Janine got hit by a snowball while Tommy and Magpie were pelted by 2 each. And a third hit knocked the dioramas out of Tommy’s hands. While Janine and Magpie took cover behind a junk car, Tommy stood in shock at his lost gifts. An easy target… thank goodness he stooped to pick up the broken gifts as 2 more snowballs would have hit him in the head. Janine was already calling for Magpie to make ammo as she readied her catapult on the hood of the car. 

Magpie saw their foe as she called out, “Tommy, take over. It’s the Sanders twins (Ben, Erica) and the bullies (Randy, Darrel, Joey).”

Magpie dug deep into the snow and packed gravel into her snowballs she lined up for Janine who directed “Get Tommy out of there. He’s a sitting duck!” Snowballs flew back and forth… more inbound than out. But Janine’s ammo was more lethal as she targeted Erica- “Ouch! That hurt.” Janine replied, “That’s what you get for outnumbering us.” At least Tommy came to his senses and ran for cover.

And that’s when 4 snowballs (from behind them) arched over their heads towards the foe. But these snowballs…broke left, right, down as if guided to their targets. “Thump, thump, thump, thump.” Darrel cried out, “No fair using technology!” Another 4 snowballs were inbound. The Sanders and bullies broke from cover and ran away. Janine jeered, “Yeah, run you cowards.” Magpie congratulated Janine, “Nice shooting. How’d you do that? Tommy, are you OK?” But Janine was just as puzzled, “Yeah, but I didn’t do that.”

The Professor: As Tommy collected his thoughts, Magpie helped him find the pieces broken off his dioramas. Janine was more curious where the snowballs came from. And that’s when they all heard the grumbly voice from behind an old car, “I like this game! What do you call it?” The kids called out, “Hello, who’s there?” At first, they saw a 4-barrel bazooka lifted onto the hood of the car. Followed by… a short person standing next to it. 

[Empathy for sanity checks] Janine rubbed her eyes in disbelief, “You, you, you’re a puppet!”. Magpie tried to reason, “My dad works at the Loop. What in the world have they been creating?!” Tommy should have been scared, were it not for his desire to capture a walking, talking puppet. And that’s when the snowballs loaded in the tubes also talked, “That was fun! Did you see those kids run away?!” Jaws got even wider. Tommy’s grin grew wider.

The puppet spoke up, “Say, you aren’t the kids who helped me before? Are they around? Their names? Let’s see, there was a (Ein, Eric, Lukas, Ace). Me? Donald D (for Danger) Diggleby at your service. Well, actually, in need of your service. Time is running out and I need your help solving a missing person case. We need to find Agent Moose before midnight. Why? Why, that’s when the prestigious Sherlock Holmes Award is to be announced and he’s the leading candidate.”

While the others listened, Tommy was too fascinated by the talking snowballs. He coaxed one out of its tube and watched it roll in the palm of his hand; its eyes shifting up as it rolled. No one had seen Tommy pull out the Tupperware container: he quickly trapped the snowball and snapped on the lid. “Hey, let my brother out!” Magpie and Janine wheeled around to see the chaos, “Tommy, what are you doing?! Let him go!” And that’s when the trapped snowball held his breath, inflated himself, and popped the lid off to escape.

Diggleby grumbled, “Time is ticking. We don’t have time to play. If you’re going to help, then we need to find the heater device the other kids used. About the size of a breadbox with a piece of Loop hardware attached.” It wasn’t till Diggleby mentioned the other kids’ hideout, “I seem to remember it was some kind of hut” that they found the device. Apprehension. “Let’s take it back to our hangout to study before we activate it. Just what is it supposed to do?” They could only think of themselves dreaming as Diggleby talked about other dimensions and wormholes.

“Are we ready?” Magpie gave her classic index+pink finger salute of approval, before remembering, “Wait! I forgot to hand-out these firework rockets. Just in case.” At first the device’s coils started to turn red just like a heater. But then an odor became apparent. 

Suddenly the kids felt their heads spinning as they seemed to be sucked into a wormhole and tumbled through space. Dizziness when they landed in another winter wonderland. Cold but instead of snow, this one had flakes. Not snowflakes- dry. Almost like dehydrated potato flakes. The kids paused to check themselves out.

Diggleby’s World: Janine caught a glimpse of her belt, “Hey, what happened to my gandpa’s hammer?!” Each kid in turn discovered their Iconic Item had changed:

Janine: Iconic Item Gramps Hammer becomes Thor’s Hammer. Clue: throw it and it returns. You define what else it can do. Move: each success= how many targets it can hit before returning.

Tommy: Iconic Item Trapping Kit becomes a Ghostbuster Trap. Clue: trigger the blue button- Diggleby gets trapped, “Let me out!” Comprehend: each success=size of target or range of suction to trap a nearby object/foe.

Magpie: Iconic Item Walkman & Headphones becomes a Magical Musical Thing. Thankfully she wasn’t aiming at anyone when she belted out Smoke on the Water (by Deep Purple: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUwEIt9ez7M) as the musical notes that were emitted out the end crashed into a boulder and shattered it. Move/Charm/Empathy: play the appropriate music to evoke which effect you want (weapon, distract, sooth). You define what else it can do.

Agent Mouse’s Partner: Professor Diggleby interrupted their fascination, “Agent Moose, midnight, remember?” Janine refocused, “So where was he last seen?” Diggleby scoffed, “You’re the investigators. You’ll have to ask his assistant Owlfred. Follow me.” They trekked through the powdered snow till they came to a tree in the forest when Owlfred sat on a branch above. 

Diggleby introduced the kids, “I’ve brought more experienced investigators to help find Agent Moose. Owlfred hushed him, “Don’t give out his read name. It’s Anon-y- mous.” Janine was overjoyed, “He’s SO cute. Wish I could pet him.” Tommy was already gathering thoughts of the menagerie he could bring home as he mumbled under his breath, “If I caught him, you could pet him all the time.” Magpie accepted the craziness and went with the flow, “So, where was Anonymous last seen?”

Janine was giddy since Owlfred rode on her shoulder and allowed her to pet him as the squirrel directed them to the well. “We were hired by Lassie to find Timmy who had fallen down the well. Moose was calling down into the well as I wished he’d be careful. I turned at a noise only to see him gone when I turned back around.” Magpie was lost in thought, “If you extract water from the air/oxygen, you get carbon monoxide. A powdery snow means no water… are we dreaming per carbon monoxide poisoning from our hideout space heater?”

The Anti-Wishing Well: At the well, Magpie leaned over the stone edge and called down into the darkness, “Hello?” Janine dropped a pebble…one one-thousand, two… “Plink.” “If I did the math correctly, it’s 12-16 feet deep. You could get injured falling that distance. Maybe he’s unconscious at the bottom.” Magpie doubted, “Dad says a moose is pretty big. With this well only 4 foot wide, he probably got stuck halfway down.” Tommy was in his own thoughts as he looked around. [Investigate 3] He saw the hoofed bipedal tracks that led to the well and stop there. But he also found a metal feather he showed the others, “It looks like silver/gold.”

Owlfred recognized it, “That’s from my brother, Owlbert. What was he doing here? Last I saw him was a week ago when he said he got a hush-hush job. Wouldn’t say where or with whom.” Janine puzzled aloud, “Professor Diggleby, who else are candidates for the award? Maybe someone is taking competition out of the equation.” The professor rattled off: Nancy Drew, the Pink Panther, Boris & Natasha. “Sounds like we need to check out the bottom of the well, just to make sure he’s not laying there hurt.”

First, they talked Diggleby into riding the bucket to the bottom with a lighter in hand. “No moose but there is a side tunnel.” After lowering the bucket to the bottom, Magpie tested how secure the end of the rope was attached to the crossbeam. She braced her feet against the stone rim and pulled with all her might. She tried to encourage the others, “Just like gym class where we have to climb the rope. Going down will be easier.” Tommy grumbled as he stepped up to the rope, “I avoid PE class. I’m going to need a therapist after this.” [Move 0] He reached the bottom but exhausted (Condition). Magpie easily made it down, then suggested, “Tie knots in the rope in case we have to climb back up. That will make it easier.” Janine was the last down.

The Labyrinth

Stone Corridor: [Investigate 2] Aided by the flickering light of the lighter, Magpie spotted tracks. “Same hoofed bipedal tracks you pointed out above. But look at these other tracks: maybe a half-dozen of shorter stride and definitely less weight as the impressions not as deep.” 

They followed the tunnel till it opened unto a long 4-foot-wide stone corridor bracketed by 20+ foot tall walls with sky above. As they walked and talked, Janine was already musing, “Does this remind anyone else about the book Labyrinth or Alice in Wonderland?” Tommy shook his head, “Mom wouldn’t allow; she said they referenced drugs.” Magpie laughed, “Read? Boring. So lame; why not just watch the movies.”

Tommy watched as the others tripped on tree roots, “I swear I saw the roots move to trip you!” And that’s when the creature stepped out of the wall. “It’s a Roper from DnD!” Tommy slowly retreated as he picked up a stone and threw it at the 8ft tall foe that lashed out at the others. [Roper Move 2 versus Magpie Move 2] Magpie kicked at the root as she quickly backpedaled out of range. Janine slammed her hammer down at the root attacking her, got to her feet, and Charged! “Are you crazy?!” She could have thrown her hammer but wanted the full strength of it against such a large foe. A solid hit to its midsection and the Roper collapsed. Tommy inched closer, picked up a limp-root, and used it to poke at the Roper’s eye. “It’s dead. Everyone OK?”

“Oowe, gove-ner. Mighty fine job killing that thing.” They turned with fright, “Who said that?!” They spotted the talking worm on the ledge. “Name’s William. What brings you here? Moose you say? Yes, I saw one just hours ago. Yes, I saw a man also led through here. Couldn’t see their faces as the trolls had put bags over their heads. Which way? Why, right at the next opening 10 feet ahead. Whatta ya mean ya can’t see it? Look at me. Don’t LOOK at me. Use the corner of yer eyes. Per-if-e-al vision. There ya go matee.” Magpie saw the side-passage, “It’s like the carnival House of Mirrors. You can’t look right at it; you have to check the floor.”

Stone Maze: They stepped into a Stone Maze, complete with a brick ceiling. Passages that turned left or right in either direction. “Wait a minutes. We just turned right, but if you look behind, what should be a left turn is now right. What’s going on?!” Even their footprints were missing. 

“Eeek!” Magpie recoiled at the wall of eyes that blinked back at her. And everyone shrieked when the cyclops stepped out of the wall to face them. [Empathy] Tommy was already getting his trap ready as Magpie readied her guitar as she thought of which song to blast out (Breaking the Law by Judas Priest: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L397TWLwrUU). 

It was Janine who calmly confronted Clyde, “Excuse me, did you happen to see a moose and a man come through here?” Clyde blinked an apology, “I’ve been napping, but maybe my family saw. Hey sis, did you see?” Confirmation a moose and man did pass through “led by a gang of trolls.”

When asked how to get out of this re-arranging passage, Clyde laughed, “Ya have to look at the situation like I do… one eyed. But be careful… keep an eye out… there be goblins and trolls and forgetfulness ahead.”

Goblins, Oh My: With one eye closed they easily saw the marked directions on the floor. Tommy sighed, “Why did we agree to find this moose? Can’t we just go home?” 

And that’s when they came to a bridge before 2 stone doors guarded by 2 goblins. “STOP! To cross the Bridge of Death our riddle answer thee, ere death ye see.” Magpie accepted the challenge, “OK, as long as I can ask you a question.” Each brother looked at the other in confusion, “Wait, is that yer question? It doesn’t work that way. Should we send her to her death?” They looked back at her and warned, “Solve our riddle to proceed. One of us tells the truth while the other tells lies: One door leads to the castle; other to ‘certain death’. What shall it be?”

Tommy readied his trap in case Magpie got it wrong. They huddled in thought before Magpie stepped forward, “OK, I got this. If I was to ask… no, that’s not right. What would you say… No, that’s not it either.” The goblins grew irritated, “Come on, let’s have it.” Tommy was ready to just throw one of them through a door and see what happened. Magpie cleared her throat, “If I was to ask your brother which door leads to death…” Tommy was the last to enter, expecting to hear screams of pain from his friends. Silence helped him follow.

The Junkyard: They covered their noses to block the stench from the bubbling bog below the catwalk they trekked to get to the far door that opened to sunlight. They stepped into a junkyard with narrow passages between towering stacks of junk of every description. At least they could see the castle just up the hill. All they had to do was navigate the passages. 

And that’s when they confronted Janet, the Junk-Lady. She gave them an evil-eye stare as she warned, “Mine, all mine. Keep yer hands off or help me collect what I need.” [Empathy] Mesmerized, Janine began searching for her long-forgotten baby toy of a sock-monkey. Also mesmerized, Tommy searched for a rare, red-spotted jewel beetle to add to his collection.

Magpie was already walking away when she realized her friends weren’t behind her. In fact, she felt a tug at her back and quickly wheeled around. “Pop.” 

The Sticky-hand that grabbed at her guitar on her back came free of Janet’s backpack. “Hey, that’s MY hand! Give it back.” Magpie picked it up, “It’s mine now. Loser’s weepers.” And that’s when she realized her friends were lost in forgetfulness. She quickly unstrapped her guitar and began playing Motorhead’s song Nine Nine Nine… Emergency (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0K5mHHhVU4) Once Janine and Tommy snapped out of their confused state, Magpie threw the sticky-and over a pile of junk to distract Janet as they ran away.

CLIMAX/SHOWDOWN

They stood at the foot of the drawbridge before the castle as they contemplated their plan. “Should we sneak in or try to bluff our way in?” “Neither has worked in the past… why can’t we just play it by ear.” “Let’s not stoop to a bully’s level. Obviously, Boris and Natasha kidnapped both Timmy and Moose. One of us could distract the two as the rest sneak around to find the captives.”

The Bridge Guard: [Investigate] Tommy heard the flap of wings early enough to warn the others. Magpie ducked as the metal owl swooped at her. As it climbed to ready for another pass, Magpie strummed out another fast-paced song (Aiming High by Accept: https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=598399931&q=aiming+high+song&tbm=vid&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjlo873nd2DAxXxpokEHZ1mCTsQ0pQJegQIDBAB&biw=1344&bih=711&dpr=1.25#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:22156dd6,vid:ab9WwYuBg1E,st:0). Musical notes pelted the owl with freezing cold. Metal feathers began to flake off, revealing fur beneath. 

With tailfeathers but no wings, the owlbear plummeted towards the moat. And that’s when Owlfred screamed, “Owlbert! You're molting. What are you doing here? Why attack us? Help, he can’t swim.”

Tommy had already crossed the bridge and stood at the castle door awaiting the others. Magpie paused till she reminded, “Sorry, but he attacked us. We need to find and save Agent Moose.” Janine took pity and hefted her hammer once more as she instructed Owlbert, “Try to grab it as it flies by.” Owlbert was too busy flailing in the water. Janine reluctantly followed the others, “Sorry, but I tried.” Leaving Owlfred and Diggleby to save Owlbert.

The Castle: They opened the double-doors and found Natasha sitting on a throne with Boris at her side. A quick scan of the room revealed a single door on the far side. Tommy sounded disappointed, “Not much of a castle. Two rooms?” Natasha protested the intrusion in her Russian accent, “We did not invite you. Begone you peasants.” Her tone changed when Magpie explained, “We’re from the award committee, here to prep the introductory speeches for each of the candidates. For example, if you win, ‘Feast your eyes on that lovely Russian beauty who has her own glorious castle, complete with rooms of every color’. You do have other rooms, yes? Maybe one in blue?” [Charm 3] Natasha relished the accolades such that she didn’t see Boris already heading toward the single door to show off their castle. It wasn’t till he mentioned, “If you follow me, I’ll give you a tour” that she rose in protest, “You fool, you can’t show them the dung… the playroom. We haven’t dusted or cleaned yet.”

Janine was already at the door ready to break in. Tommy followed, concerned of traps [Investigate 2: finding none] Boris tried to turn them away. [Charm 1 plus Luck 3] Magpie stepped to the side to regain Natasha’s attention, “Is that what you plan to wear to the awards? Do you have a wardrobe to select from?” [Charm 1 plus Luck 1] Distracted, Natasha didn’t hear or see Boris lured toward Tommy’s trap laid on the floor, “It’s a box of Cuban cigars. Go ahead, you can have one.” [Tinker 1 to activate] As Boris leaned over the box, it was as he fell in on his own. “Clunk” as the doors closed.

The Dungeon: Janine entered the dungeon and closed the door behind her as she surprised the 4 troll dolls in the room. 3 sat at a table playing cards as the 4^th stood at the mirror combing his hair. She quickly adlibbed, “So, who’s winning? Mind of I join in? What’s your names? I was just hired and thought maybe you could give me a tour and explain my duties.” She spoke to the one at the mirror, “Oh, you look great. Who does your hair?” The trolls stood when the door opened again, as Tommy walked in with a sudden frown on his face. His sister had troll dolls and he hated them.

Magpie followed Natasha to her shrunk (German closest cabinet) to inspect her clothing choices. “Do you have something with more straight lines. Yes, black fits you so well. Do you have any black nail polish?”

Back in the dungeon, Tommy let Janine do the talking as he wandered the room in search of Timmy and the moose. [Investigate 1 plus Luck 0; Pride 0 (Jan felt it didn’t apply); Push-Condition 1: Upset] Tommy stopped at the coat rack thinking maybe a door hidden behind the dangling coats. As he pulled one coat to the side, he exposed one leg then another. The trolls happened to see his actions, “Hey, get away from there!” Janine tried to intervene, but only gasped when she realized the trolls were growing!

Two foot tall became 3, growing more. Tommy yanked down the coats revealing Agent Moose gagged and tied to the coat rack hooks.

Janine raised her hammer and smashed the floor. [Force 2 plus Pride 1 (I help those who need it most) plus Condition/Exhausted] As hoped, the hammer cracked the floor, opening a large chasm. Two of the now 8-foot tall Trolls fell in. Another clung to the edge with its sharp claws as the 4^th backed away.

Magpie and Natasha heard the concussive smash and felt the tremors. Natasha was already calling for Boris. [Force 2] Magpie pulled the dress over Natasha’s head and hip-checked her into the closet. She dragged Boris’ chair over to brace the closet door shut as Natasha screamed from inside.

Janine didn’t have the heart to follow-through with the idea of stomping the Troll’s hand clinging to the edge. [Tinker 3] Tommy threw his trap near the lone troll and stomped on the blue button. He hoped Boris would emerge and startle the troll into falling backwards into the chasm. Instead, the troll was sucked into the trap. With Moose freed, Tommy pleaded, “Can we go now?” They rushed out of the dungeon and found Magpie also ready to leave.

EPILOGUE

Outside the castle, they found a wet Owlbert all apologetic. “If there’s anything I can do to make up for my actions.” They rode on his back as he bound over the maze walls enroute to the award committee ceremony. 

Statler and Waldorf stood on stage and explained the selection, “Timmy arrived to explain his rescue and return by Boris and Natasha, raising their score from 93 to 95. Then Nell arrived explaining how the Russian duo had rescued her from the hands of Snidely Whiplash, thus raising their score to 97. It looked like a close race till you arrived with Agent Moose. Professor Diggleby, if you’ll step forward.” Diggleby was presented with a copy of Sherlock Holmes’ deerstalker hat and his meerschaum pipe.

Donald choked up, “I don’t understand, I was only at 95 while Agent Mouse was at 99.” Statler and Waldorf explained, “Elementary my dear professor: we count the number of investigators involved in each case. You, Owlfred, and the 3 kids made you the winner.” And for your co-agents, we present them with this lovely participant award.” Each was handed a talking Pet-Rock.

Professor Diggleby said goodbye to the kids, “Can I count on you if I ever need help with another case?” Silence greeted him, except for Tommy’s plea, “Can we go home now?” Janine wanted to ask more questions, but they were abruptly sucked into the dimensional-vortex and soon dumped in the real wet snow of home. They each quickly checked their belongings and found their Iconic Items returned to normal. The Pet-Rocks: now a Magic 8 ball.

AFTERMATH- back to normal life

Janine: still in a daze, she had to ask, “We didn’t image that, did we?!”

Tommy: could only reason, “Every dream we remember is as if it actually happened. I mean I have a zombie picture in my attic; so, zombies must be real.” And to add proof to his thoughts, he pulled the metal feather out of his coat pocket.

Magpie: she scoured their helicopter hangout for any residual carbon monoxide, “That HAS to be the explanation. Else I could talk to dad and see if he’ll admit any Loop related experiments.”

BACKGROUND

Boris/Natasha kidnapped Agent Moose to prevent him from solving his 100^th case so THEY could be the first to reach 100 and thus win the annual award. They kidnapped Timmy and solved his missing case, jumping from 93 to 95 points. They contracted Snidely Whiplash to capture Nell and tie her to the tracks so they could rescue her and thus earn their 97^th case solved. Now they just need one more case solved, and with Snidely’s help (3 investigators to turn in Agent Moose), THEY would reach 100 cases solved first! If only Snidely would hurry up and get here!

As for the scenario: weeks ago, I happened to ask Nathan when he was going to create another Professor Diggleby scenario. He mentioned the ITD Call-Of-Cthulhu version of The Great Innsmouth Caper. But before I watched that, I began drafting this scenario. Obviously: part the Labyrinth, part world of Rocky & Bullwinkle, Lassie and Timmy, and whatever else fell into place. But the story began off of another series of kids’ books: Agent Moose.